Better
Inspiration for the start of a new week, from Mark Twight's fabulous book Kiss or Kill:
"Memories and hope are not so different; one is 'having done' the other is 'to do.' Neither constitutes action. You are what you do; thus, if you do nothing, you are nobody. If you once did great things, you think you are great. You coast along on dead, preserved laurels, lifeless and wasting away.
I spent 12 weeks on crutches after knee surgery. During recovery I surrounded myself with wannabes, pretend-to-bes, has-beens and never-will-bes. I met people who wasted their talent or were afraid of it. They taught me why I hadn't become a good climber. Like them, I was afraid to succeed, scared to commit. I didn't want to be any better than anyone else. Eventually, I sickened of people, myself included, who don't think enough of themselves to make something of themselves - people who did only what they had to do and never what they could have done. I learned from them the infected loneliness that comes at the end of every misspent day. I knew I could do better."
{ Filed under Inspiration and motivation on Sunday, June 3rd, 2007. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site. }
Ben Saunders is the youngest person to ski solo to the North Pole and holds the record for the longest solo Arctic journey by a Briton.
Justin wrote:
A typically uncompromising quote; while I admire MT for his commitment which has achieved new standards I cannot help but note that his personal relationships have suffered because of it. Perhaps many of us do not achieve our potential, but then maybe we aren't willing to be as selfish in order to get there.
June 4 2007 · 7:19 am
Ben wrote:
Justin - thought-provoking stuff indeed. I wonder where (and why) we draw the line between selfishness and selflessness. If Mark had devoted his life to achieving new standards in, say, medicine or humanitarian work, would it seem any different?
To spin things another way, it's an interesting exercise to swap the word "climber" with partner/parent/son/boss/teacher/etc…
June 4 2007 · 11:54 am
Mark Twight wrote:
Ben,
Thank you for posting, and for offering an alternative point of view.
Justin, you're right, relationships suffered. And did so because I (consciously) practiced the sport at a level which required 100% commitment to succeed and moreover, to survive. Selfish? Yes. Is selfish bad? Maybe. Especially to those who are not. Or to those who find themselves secondary to the subject upon which the selfish individual spends his passion/attention/energy/dedication and wish it otherwise.
Potential is not static. Nor is the word used solely to define one's condition in the context of a particular subject or sports discipline. I fell short of my potential to engage in (what most consider) normal human relationships by voluntarily choosing to participate in a particular lifestyle and sport. I fulfilled my potential on the day or days when I climbed mountains beause I chose to go is far as was needed, as far as I could, to do whatever it took to live those hours and days without reservation. I did so at the expense of other people, relationships and experiences.
And? But …
No. I don't say, "what if?" Because I know I did not waste my talent for a particular activity. I nurtured and honed it. I overcame my fear of commitment, and my fear of success. I was obsessed to be sure. Some define obsession as negative, I say it's how you get things done. It's how evolutionary steps are made: someone steps out of line and takes them. I decided that what my upbringing suggested was important, was not important to me. I rejected normal behavior and an "acceptable" lifestyle by acting according to climbing ambition and my desire to learn about myself, to improve myself, and to know what self could accomplish if given free rein.
I sacrificed relationships. I hurt other people. These things in turn, damaged me. It was worth it. I am a better educator today because of my choices and actions. Am I a "better man"? No, I am simply a man.
Mark Twight
June 4 2007 · 7:55 pm
Moki wrote:
Ben, Mark,
Although my own endeavours are miniscule in comparison to your collective feats, I can nevertheless relate to your perspective. It was out there on the expanse of the Big Ice during my moment of polar nirvana whilst standing at degree 90N when I experienced a positive shift in my own consciousness by finally "allowing" my true Self to awaken and for my dreams to emerge. Such dreams can flourish only when we make peace with them and accept them as our personal challenges, new paradigms.
The sad matter is that those of us who have the courage to embrace these ideas are so often accused of conceit.
How could the desire for self-fulfillment be confused with arrogance? How could following one's own heart be viewed as egotistical especially when the mission is bold enough to deviate from convention?
Rejection, accusation, judgement, ridicule, condemnation. I think that all who strive to achieve something ultimately higher, a goal loftier than most, must learn to either endure the finger-pointing, to protect ourselves from it by retreating from society or to simply ignore the dissent.
Perhaps excommunication from the mundane is not such a bad thing afterall.
June 5 2007 · 3:12 am
Justin wrote:
Wow, I never expected such great feedback, thanks for your comments guys.
Mark, as ever your writing gives food for thought as well as being incredibly honest.
Don't misunderstand me, I admire you all 100% for what you achieve, and you are right that in order to succeed it requires total commitment. However, Mark's original quote suggested that those who were unwilling to give the same level of commitment were weaker.
As a father of two, I have to consider whether it is appropriate for me to pursue extreme objectives. Fortunately for me, guys like Mark and Ben allow me to live my adventures vicariously through their tales.
I despise living a 'mundane' life. Perhaps subjugating my own desires in favour of supporting and helping my children to develop their own potential requires an equal level of commitment, but demonstrated in a different outcome? Or maybe I am trying to justify mediocrity?
June 5 2007 · 7:40 am
Casey wrote:
Justin -
I wouldn't write off devotion to your kids as mediocrity. You want whats best for them and want to teach them everything you can that can help them along the way. Could it deviate from your personal goals and dreams? Most definitely. I agree with Mark in the fact that relationships can and often do get in the way, and one can expect to be judged and ostracized for devotion to their craft. I will say that by no means are you obligated to give up on your goals due to being a family man, it's just going to require a lot of hard work.
June 5 2007 · 3:36 pm
Mark Twight wrote:
Justin,
I must say the intensity, singular focus, and language of the 25 year-old differ from that older, wiser man. I wouldn't use those same words today. I wouldn't change the way they were written in 1987. I still believe you are what you do, presently. We are made by what we have done. We become the things we do. These days I don't identify myself as a climber. Yes, I climbed. Climbing forged and transformed me. Today, if pressed, I identify myself as educator and coach because it is what I do, what I eat and think and breathe. If I were a father, I would identify myself as that above all else because, even if I held a different job, regardless of whether I loved or hated it, I would be doing that work in order to provide a present and future for my children. There would be days when I fulfilled my potential as a father; role model, teacher, provider … and a long list of characteristics I can't write because I haven't the personal experience. There would be days when I fell short. My behavior on those days would anger me and I'd redouble my effort and attention to do as well as I could on any given day to achieve, to be the man and do the thing I had chosen to do. I revere the act of deciding to do the thing, and focusing, sacrificing, cutting away what prevents me from doing and being to my utmost capacity no matter the context … “partner/parent/son/boss/teacher/etc…” as Ben suggested. Even more admirable is the man who applies the same focus, sacrifice and energy to responsibilities he has chosen but finds himself obligated to fulfill, out of duty or honor.
Mediocrity and success are comparative descriptors, meaning that when one says, "X is mediocre", the immediate question I ask is, "compared to what?" Mankind is comparative by nature, and it's difficult for a man (perhaps less so for a female) to think of himself, his thoughts, actions, accomplishments and failures without using fellow men as a reference point.
When I began writing about climbing and life I was trying to say something, to communicate an idea and ideal but it took years of trial and error to learn the thing exactly and then to learn how to write it. Distilled today, I believe it to be this: no matter what we as individuals set out to do we can either do it all of the way, immerse ourselves in it, become it or we can do it half-heartedly, settle for less, and then maybe call it something else, something more than it was. Some might coast along on "given" talent, because, compared to others they are doing well. Others might have little talent but much desire and work ceaselessly to live their ideal to the fullest extent they are able. What I fought against then and now is the tendency to "call it good" when the task is difficult. I struggle against the ego-preserving act of suggesting the reason others are better is because they cheated (by doping, perhaps), or that they were selfish while the less “successful” individual was not.
Each of us gives what we are able and, more importantly, willing to give to life. How we react when our capacity and will fall short of our expectations determines how we view ourselves, either alone or in relationship to others and the world around us. Some days I transcend my tendency toward comparison with others. On those days I am satisfied to compare my present and past selves because I have worked hard, I have paid attention, I have picked myself up after failing and I have been honest to the point of cruelty about what I have thought and done throughout. I know deep inside I gave it everything I had – whatever “it” was – if it was sufficient, I was successful. If it wasn’t I dissect, analyze, modify, and try again. This is what I expect of myself. Experience and years have cured me of expecting the same from others, though occasional relapses occur.
Mark Twight
June 5 2007 · 9:23 pm
James Hall wrote:
I've always admired the mindset of extreme athletes, from Steve Ilg to MT. He's sent a few nice emails, but more than that, he's been honest, fleshing away the fluff. We (men, especially) admire the man that tells it like it is, love it or leave it. As I grow older, lets get from point A to B ASAP.
We've all made mistakes in life and will continue to do so. Part of the growth cycle. It's too easy to play "coulda, shoulda, woulda". The real pioneers, point men, jump to the forefront and say what the hell, come what may. It's too easy to skate through life, never challenging oneself to the max mentally, physically, emotionally.
James
June 6 2007 · 3:21 am
Justin wrote:
Mark,
Your words as ever make difficult reading, they address issues that many of us would rather avoid - because it requires a self analysis that may not produce the results we would like.
I can often identify within myself the failings that hold me back, the willingness to do what is required but not find the inspiration to exceed beyond that level. Identifying it is one thing, finding the motivation to break out of that mindset is another.
I write this before starting my working day, perhaps today with your comments fresh in my mind I can view my actions with new clarity. Excellence should be the objective in every activity, not simply the ones that we choose but also the ones that are thrust upon us.
In this era of positive thinking 'gurus', you have the ability to inspire with a few simple paragraphs (perhaps you should reprint Kiss or Kill as a 'self help' book!).
June 6 2007 · 7:19 am
Brad Gutting wrote:
I think there's a huge difference between "willingness" and "desire." Most people are "willing" to do just about anything they feel like they have to do or are even asked to do; fewer actually make decisions about their lives and fewer still actually bother to give their word and then keep it. A close friend of mine 13 years ago made a promise to his mother that he would never put her in a nursing home…those were difficult years for him, far beyond what I have known in my mere 28 years on this planet. They were never close. He didn't make a big deal out of this commitment, he just DID it. When she died he commented that it was the simultaneously the saddest and most liberating day of his life.
If you've experienced bad things in your past, get over them.
If you performed a task poorly, figure out how to do it better. Then do it better again.
Move the lines. Push the boundaries. Make things happen. Commit to your task and fight till you drop.
June 6 2007 · 4:10 pm
Ben wrote:
What a wonderful volley of comments. To my wider audience of non-mountaineers, I should point out that Mark Twight was/is (given the argument above, I'm not sure which to write now!) a leading alpinist, and someone that achieved and influenced on a grand scale in the world of alpine-style mountaineering. I'm sure his toes will be curling at this bit, but he's someone that I've looked up to for years. We've never met, but I've long regarded him as a role model, particularly in his preference for action over rhetoric and posturing. Talk is cheap, after all.
To be fair to Mark, I should also have pointed out that the two paragraphs I quoted in the above post were written in the late eighties, although to quote him again, in the introduction to Kiss or Kill written in 2000, "Despite my age, I'm still raving, kicking against mediocrity."
On the theme of potential, here's another quotation I spotted recently: "Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources." - William James
On on!
B
June 6 2007 · 4:42 pm
Brad Gutting wrote:
You selected a great passage from "Kiss or Kill," though I'd argue there are some more hardcore ones…which I enjoy. There's also an entire essay in there about the life & death nature of climbing, the individuals he knew who died, that I found very touching, very emotionally charged. Beat the hell out of Oprah and Fall Out Boy CDs….
June 6 2007 · 7:18 pm
Mark Twight wrote:
Reading James' quote I (again) wonder why half awake is so easy to accept, why using only a small part of our capacity is "good enough." Clearly one may not operate at maximum output all of the time in all aspects of life; everything costs something and what I spend on X leaves me less to spend on Y. But I want to be awake and alive, and learning from the raw experience of life for as many hours as possible during the time I'm upright, on the earth. Being present and mindful every minute of every hour of every day, day after day, month after month is what keeps me from asking "what if?"
Regrets? No way.
Mark Twight
June 7 2007 · 7:41 pm
Brad Gutting wrote:
It's easier to accept because it's easier, that's why. It's the non-decision, the unconscious and automatic. With decision comes the possibility of being wrong, and being wrong is hard to accept. It's unfortunate that this drives so many.
Once, I sat across the table from an ex-girlfriend as we contemplated maybe making a future together despite the past. Frustrated with the generalities and abstraction of the conversation, I said that if you try, you can see how a banal, routine experience like buying the week's groceries can be alive with the same fire that made the cosmos–melodramatic, but I stand by it. She rolled her eyes. We didn't have a future together. I'm not saying that its necessary to make an opera out of Sunday coupon-clipping, but you have the choice in your life to reserve living it for special occasions, or you can do it every step of the way. It's too easy to be Thoreau and remove yourself from society; existing in a world that often functions under arbitrary rules presents a lot of challenges and decisions that can actually be pretty important, if you want them to be. I still do my grocery shopping at 3am periodically; it's inspired some interesting artistic efforts.
I think that sport and athletic endeavors provide a focus unlike anything else. No, you can't spend all your energy on X to the detriment of Y, but with purpose and goals that go beyond self-satisfaction, its amazing how much more energy there is to share, and how much fuller every single day is.
But, for someone who accepts the "good enough," trying to explain anything else is like trying to explain fire to a fish.
June 8 2007 · 2:08 am
Alan M wrote:
I havn't posted on here for a while but feel that I have to comment on this exchange of posts… Each of the comments is equally valid, in my time I have been climber, soldier, ultra runner, father, worker, brother, amongst many other things. As I got older I found I didn't have to identify myself with what I did, I just am. Being driven is not all about success, it's about fulfillment, other things fulfill me now. Children mainly…
Striving, living and being does not have to be frantic. It smacks of never appreciating.
How can you fully appreciate what you have learnt if you are frantically off to learn the next new thing.
Lets not see the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Apologies for the possibly unphilosophical approach.
btw MT was always a hero of mine too…
I remember sitting on the pavement seats of a bar in Chamonix looking up at the peaks and discussing his exploits after a fantastic ascent of the Cherie Couloir
June 8 2007 · 8:42 pm
Alan M wrote:
Lovely article in a magazine on PAs Ben thought I had to comment ;-)
June 8 2007 · 8:43 pm
Chris Holt wrote:
Sometimes I like to think that we're all linked together, every human being. We may lead different lives, hold different thoughts, but in some way, we're all experiencing the same rollercoaster. Still being a young man, I've realized this is only partially true.
There is a divide between average people and people like MT, Ben, and any other passionate person that has something to show for it. When I say "average", I mean people who coast through life, never climbing, never looking up. Some transcend because of conscious choices and through those experiences, they reach a level of self actualization that only few can understand. Some (like myself) are thrown into spirit-testing situations with no choice involved where subsequently clarity is found. These moments of clarity tap into a part of the mind that opens up for possibilty, understanding, and drive. This is the chaulk line on the pavement. I may have not climbed Mt Everest or rowed across the Atlantic but I understand and relate to the words and thoughts that I've read here and on Gym Jones. I've been living these principles before I even came across these websites and I have dealt with similar frustrations along the way. I'm still growing and learning.
Everything is relative. Knowing this fact helps me cope with people. If someone jambs their toe and says it's the worst pain they're ever felt, who am I to say it isn't? Many people (my gf included) feel that I'm an extremist, an elitist but having death smile you in the face changes your perspective, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad because that all depends on the person. Fortunately for myself, I've used what I learned in a positive way and controlled it. I'm not saying I didn't slip up here and there because we all do.
Forgive me for my random thought process but the point for all this is to pose a question to people who I feel share the same understanding of how little time we all have here on earth. I'm an architect, marathon runner, athlete, brother, friend, boyfriend, surviver etc. As a member of the 9-5 life, I see so many people living unhealthy lives and it really bothers me. I want to say something, I want to help them. But that's not my place. I understand priorities and physical fitness and health is not on the top of many people's list, especially in my profession but that mentality is just wrong. As Alan said, it's all about fulfillment. If a 400 lb man eating McDonalds feels fulfilled, then who am I to say he isn't? Some may say, forget them, they're a waste of time and space. But my nature is to help, to teach, to inspire. To show different options. There are just so many variables, so many gray areas. Maybe I'm in the wrong profession. MT wouldn't train an obese person. But I think that's more of a challenge then to train an athlete. But I'm getting ahead of myself. How do I not let people's blatant disregard for life and health not affect me? It's like speaking to someone with food in their teeth, you just feel compelled to say something.
What's the point of working hard to making a good living if you're not going to be around to enjoy it?
June 11 2007 · 5:15 pm
Ray wrote:
So often the attitude outlasts the performance. Remembering whether or not I got up a climb pales in comparison to how I felt I "performed" on the climb. Of course, performance is more than physical. It's also a mental state. Some of my best climbs were actually poor performances. I've cut away a lot to persue my passion. It has hurt me in so many other aspects of my life. I don't regret the choices I've made, I just wish I wasn't afraid to give the committment to them that I have given climbing. But, as Mark stated, you can only spread yourself out so much before you'll start sacrificing the very things you wish to be committed to. You can't be "extreme" all the time in every aspect of your life. However, the dicotomy of passion and committment in one area and the lassitude and mediocrity in another compliment each other in a way that brings clarigy to my passion to climbing. The best way I've found to understand others' passions is to just replace "climbing" with "???".
June 12 2007 · 3:39 pm
Andrew & Stuart Edwards wrote:
Hi Ben,
we just completed the first roadshow with Richard doing some of the talk in Durban. Big things to come for Liberty Medical Scheme and thanks for helping us kick it off last year. My 10 year old son is using your picture you signed for him last year in a project on William Edward Parry, one of your for bearers-the count down has started for South and we will be rooting for you from South Africa!
MT's comments are so apt for you!
We will be watching you
June 13 2007 · 4:49 pm
We can do better… « 88 Days wrote:
[...] Ben Saunders wrote this post, it is about him, about the endeavor of being yourself and be conscious about it, it is about not letting your life slip by without noticing.. [...]
June 22 2007 · 10:16 am