Ben Saunders

Snowdon Cam!

Off to Snowdonia for the New Year. Proper blogging will resume on 3 Jan (including, perhaps, some abridged New Year's resolutions and a list of some of things I've figured out in 2005). Until then, you can share in the wet and windy fun via the BBC's Snowdon cam. See you next year.

— Filed under Rumination

Photos from our training expedition in Greenland this summer.

— Filed under Aside

Graeme Obree's Yin and Yang

My brother bought me 'Flying Scotsman', Graeme Obree's autobiography for Christmas and after finishing it in a day, I can safely say it's one of the most moving and thought-provoking books I've ever read. In 1993, Obree amazed the cycling world by popping up from total obscurity to shatter Francesco Moser's Hour Record (quite simply, riding as far as possible in an hour, on an indoor track). An amateur cyclist, riding a home-made bike and training without a coach, or even a heart-rate monitor, he was in many ways the antithesis of his rival and contemporary Chris Boardman, who won Olympic Gold for Britain in 1992 on a wind tunnel-honed carbon fibre 'superbike', slept in an altitude tent and was nicknamed 'the Professor' for his attention to detail. I had just started cycling seriously in the early nineties and I remember being massively inspired by both Chris and Graeme, and by the way they spurred each other on to bigger and better things.

To me, the most striking aspect of Obree's story is what he describes as his 'yin and yang'; in training and in competition, it's clear that he possessed an ability to push himself harder than anyone had ever pushed themselves before. With each race, and each hour attempt, he aimed for what he termed 'total self-destruction', something the French newspaper L'Equipe summed up wonderfully:

'An hour after waking up, after a short warm-up, Obree caressed the stem of his machine, let his blue eyes rest on the front wheel and took off as if he was going to the moon without any oxygen, without knowing if he would ever come back. Bye, bye Graeme.'

His yang, his success as an athlete – world record breaker and world champion, is all the more amazing when you learn about his yin – the bouts of intense depression he suffered, the multiple suicide attempts, the cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, poverty and months without training.

The final chapter, where he describes the heart-wrenching decision to give up competitive cycling completely, really got me thinking.

'Not having an end goal was difficult because I had no imaginary pillar of success to hide behind, which left me feeling naked an exposed emotionally. It was a hard time but somehow or other I would have to stop 'being my achievement' and start 'just being'. It was difficult 'just being' and there were terrible feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and depression..'

I'm not sure exactly how much of my identity and self-worth I derive from my achievements (i.e. expeditions) but I suspect it's way more than most people. Perhaps one consolation is that self-destruction was the last thing I was thinking of when I clicked into my ski bindings and tightened up my sledge harness last spring…

You can buy the book From Amazon.co.uk (UK) or from Amazon.com (USA). I can't recommend it enough.

— Filed under Cycling

Turkey

I'm chilling out at my mum's for a few days – log fires, walking the dog in the countryside, tons of home cooking and a few rambling training rides over the Lincolnshire Wolds on my road bike.

2005 has been a big year for me (although, Greenland aside, it's been slightly lacking in swashbuckling expedition action) but 2006 looks set to be in a different league entirely. These are exciting times, and I'm going to write more about the year ahead in a few days time. Right now, I hope you too are with your family, and as relaxed and content as I am. I'd better dash – mum's calling me from the kitchen, and I can smell roast turkey…

— Filed under Rumination

The Big Melt

The New York Times has published a huge series of articles on the Arctic, and the future of the Arctic. (You may need to register/log in, but it's worth it.) There are some fascinating observations on how the thinning of Arctic sea ice might have commercial and social implications on a global scale. A few things surprised me:

1) China has established a research station on Spitsbergen and its icebreaker Snow Dragon has been to the North Pole twice.

2) A quarter of the world's undiscovered oil and gas resources lie in the Arctic, according to the United States Geological Survey.

3) Depending on how the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea pans out, the North Pole might end up in Russian or Danish territories.

4) The Candian port of Churchill was bought by Pat Broe in 1997 for just $10. It now looks set to become one of the busiest Arctic ports in the world.

(Thanks to Maria Coryell-Martin for the link.)

— Filed under Miscellany

'Overcoming' – a six-minute trailer for Danish director Tómas Gislason's film about the CSC pro cycling team.

— Filed under Aside

The Magnetic North Pole is on the move.

— Filed under Aside

Here's Why

Hi Ben,
I come to your site through a friend of a friend and can't help but wonder why you do this? You said in your FAQs that it is/was 'an Ironman x10' – but how does this feed your soul? You spend so much time on your own – what are you contemplating? searching for? debating? running from? running to? praying for? What? Why? I appreciate that I delve into the highly personal but the drive to do this, especially alone, is exceptional and unconventional even for research sake. Undoubtedly you are a remarkable person (your testimonials etc. show that clearly) with incredible drive, passion and physical stamina – I am still curious as to why? What is it that drives an individual to such exceptional extremes physically, mentally and emotionally.

It would be interesting to hear back from you.

I'm asked 'why' on a constant basis, but this email (of September this year) was prying so much further that I thought it might be an interesting exercise to try and answer it here.

I don't have a one-liner (the great Sir Wally Herbert beat me to it with 'Those who need to ask, will never understand the answer, while others who feel the answer will never need to ask') and it's definitely not 'because it's there', if only for the fact that the North Pole isn't there. It's just another bit of ice.

And to be brutally honest, I really don't spend much time contemplating the question, in much the same way that I don't imagine David Beckham spends much time asking himself how football 'feeds his soul'. He's just doing what he loves.

Expeditions, for me, have a lot to do with self-discovery. Challenging, fearing, pushing limits, testing, doing, learning. Lance Armstrong described the Tour de France as a 'contest in purposeless suffering', something I can identify entirely with.

'There is no reason to attempt such a feat of idiocy, other than the fact that some people, which is to say some people like me, have a need to search the depths of their stamina for self-definition.'

So, yes. Self-definition.

There's more, though – the bigger picture. And until very recently, it's been a hazy picture indeed. Perhaps one of the most profound questions I've asked myself (and continue to ask myself) is 'where's this all leading? What's my legacy going to be?' As a child, and then a teenager, I drifted through school. Academically, I don't remember being inspired by anything. All the really important stuff – teamwork, communication and leadership, as John Ridgway puts it – I learnt outdoors, and the biggest lessons were often learnt in the wildest places. I was lucky to have grown up in the countryside, and to have been involved in outdoor pursuits for most of my life, but it strikes me that many of the opportunities I took for granted as a child simply aren't available to most of the young people in this country.

In addition, one of the biggest challenges I've faced over the years is finding the money to do the things I love. Polar expeditions are, admittedly, a particularly expensive way to go camping, but even buying a pair of walking boots isn't cheap nowadays. So there are a number of barriers between many young people and the experience that the founder of Outward Bound, Kurt Hahn sums up so beautifully:

'We are all better than we know. If only we can be brought to realize this, we may never be prepared to settle for anything less. Outdoor challenges show young people the meaning of what is one of the greatest sentences in the English language: "I can."

The bare bones of my plan is to start an organisation (a foundation, perhaps) that brings in corporate sponsorship and awards young people, or groups of young people, funding to do adventurous things (in the broadest sense of the word) – whether it's learning to ride a horse, or organising a climbing trip to Alaska. That's all I'm saying for now.

How about you – why do you do what you do? Where's it all going? What's your legacy going to be?

— Filed under Miscellany

Just to Ski

I went to http://www.bensaunders.com and watched the video about his expeditions. I liked how he was brave enough to ski anywhere. I liked that he went wherever he wanted to ski, the Artic or moutnains. And I liked that he cared to document it all with a camera. I idn't like that he didn't videotape it instead, or else it would be more exciting to watch. I didn't like that he risked his life stupidly just to ski. And i didn't like that he is encouraging others to risk their lives for fame.

Hmm.

— Filed under Rumination

'If I can Make it There' – a beautiful article on upping sticks and moving to New York, by Sarah Hepola.

— Filed under Aside

The Arctic is changing

Ann Diskin just sent me a link to a great article by Donella Meadows – Polar Bears and Three-Year-Olds on Thin Ice. It was written nearly five years ago, but I hadn't seen it before, and in a week when the Inuit Circumpolar Conference sued the US government, saying its climate change policies violate human rights, it's more pertinent than ever.

In 1997 and 1998 [Russian biologist] Melnikov returned to the Beaufort Sea and found most of the plankton species, many named by him (and for him), were gone. The ice was nearly gone. Creatures dependent on the plankton (like the cod), or on the ice for dens (seals) or for travel (bears) were gone too.

Many had just moved north, following the ice, but that means moving farther from land, with widening stretches of open water between. Creatures like the black guillemot, a bird that depends on land for shelter and the ice floe for food, can no longer bridge the gap.

The Arctic is changing faster than scientists can document.

— Filed under Miscellany

The JCB song. Brilliant.

— Filed under Aside